Will or Fate
by Listae
Summary: This story is about making it work against all odds. A feel-good story about two people that even statistically speaking shouldn't be together and yet they want to. So what's stronger - will or fate?


Dean first saw him in the meeting Sam dragged him to. This was the thing about Sam – when he wanted something from Dean, he got it. It didn't matter how many times Dean would say no, in the end Sammy got his way. It might have something to do with the puppy dog eyes or a floppy hair that made him look like sad little puppy or an epic bitchface he'd throw when nothing else worked, but in the end Dean would always cave. And that was exactly how he found himself dressed in a freakin' monkey suit trying to hold his own in yet another of Sam's law firm's parties.

It's not like it didn't have its perks. To retaliate more than anything, Dean made sure he left each and every one of these parties with a different colleague of Sam's on his arm. And fine, maybe he was being a chauvinistic alpha male, but it seems like omegas did make good assistants to predominately alpha lawyers. And no, Dean was never one of those who slept exclusively with omegas – he knew how to rock the world of a pretty beta once in a while, but he did have a type and more often than not it was a pretty, dark haired omega. So it was surprising, to say the least, that he stopped dead in his tracks at the sight of an alpha. A male alpha at that.

"Hey, Cas!" Sam greeted the alpha in question. "This is my brother, Dean. Dean – that's our newest defense attorney Castiel Novak."

"It's nice to finally meet you, Dean." Of course he had to have rough, well-fucked voice. Of course he had, and of course Dean stared at him like a moron for several seconds too long, until he caught himself and finally shook his proffered hand.

Castiel tilted his head, watching Dean closely. There was something odd about this man and Cas simply couldn't put his finger on it.

"Sam speaks very highly of you." He offered when Dean still didn't say anything.

"Uh…" He started eloquently. "Um, yeah well, that's Sammy."

"It's Sam, Dean." Sam frowned and Castiel smiled at him. He knew very well what's it like to be the baby of the family. Gabriel alone was more than enough of an older brother.

"Sam told me you own an auto shop?" Castiel asked politely, still trying to figure out what it was that interested him in this man.

"Yeah, I do. I kind of branched out, I guess. Started as a mechanic there. Sam's the brain of the family, all fancy college degree and all. I've got a GED and frankly it was more than enough for me. I like working cars and… Well you know, one thing led to another and somehow people liked the way I restored their babies so…" He literally had to stop himself from babbling on. Instead he tried to resemble his usual self for a change and winked at Castiel. "Heh, at least I got the looks!"

Castiel frowned minutely at that and cut in without even noticing Sam was going to protest as well.

"I don't think the one who lacks the brain, as you put it, could develop successful business. Much less the one he actually enjoys working in. You might be right about the looks, although genetically speaking both you and Sam lucked out, but you are certainly wrong about the brains. You shouldn't sell yourself short."

Both brothers stared at Castiel for a while and then Sam laughed.

"Did you just chastise him while complimenting him and saying both of us are hot?"

Castiel once again smiled his small smile and nodded seriously.

"It would seem so."

"You're something else, dude." Dean muttered. "Hey, how about I get you a drink. On me."

"It's an open bar, Dean."

"You know what, you're right!" He put his arm around the other man's shoulders and steered him away from Sam and to the bar. "So let's go at it! You can have anything you want, all on me."

Castiel rolled his eyes, but allowed Dean walk him to the bar.

"So, defense attorney, huh? How's that?"

"Demanding." Castiel sighed. "I'm lucky enough to be granted permission to choose my cases, so I only work on the cases I want to. Unfortunately for me, I must have a deeply rooted masochistic side of me, because I keep choosing cases that take their toll on me."

"You can choose what to do, but you still choose shitty cases? Why the hell would you do that?"

"Because no one else wants them. Because they'd end up in the hands of fresh, mediocre lawyers who should really have paid more attention in classes."

"So what kind of cases are they? Do you defend pervs and killers?"

"Quite the opposite, I'm afraid." He smiled his barely there smile. "I usually choose the victims, who were accused by their offenders. Self-defense cases. Rape victims who had been assaulted and then are sued for defending themselves. Omegas, who are blamed for being in heat and thus making poor alphas lose their control and assault them."

"Jesus, that must suck!" Dean frowned.

"It's tiring at times." Castiel agreed. "It's against my nature to conform with injustice, so sometimes it's difficult to even look at someone who assaulted my client and then has the nerve to sue them."

"So you're a hero, then." Dean mused, watching Castiel closely. Not only was he attractive as hell, he seemed to actually be a decent guy. This was just not fair.

"Hardly." Castiel chuckled. "My clients are heroes. They refuse to remain victims and instead fight back. I admire them for that and frankly, they make me be a better man. Or at least I try to."

"Sound plenty heroish to me, Cas."

"My friends call me Cas." He said suddenly and although cursing inwardly, Dean blushed.

"Shit, sorry." He muttered.

"It's alright. I prefer Cas to my brother's unwavering insistence to call me Cassie."

"Cassie, huh?" Dean smiled. "I knew a girl called Cassie. She was something else."

"Yes, I am well aware Cassie is female name. That is why I prefer Cas." He frowned and Dean chuckled.

"So tell me, how does alpha decide to dedicate his life helping omegas?"

"So you're one of those." Castiel said disappointed and sighed shaking his head minutely. He knew it was too good to be true – attractive and smart, surely there must be something wrong with him, it was just a shame bigotry was not something Castiel could let slide. But perhaps it was even better that way – Sam'd mentioned things about his brother than made Castiel's interest impossible anyway, so perhaps it was even better that Dean seemed not to be as great of the guy as he initially thought. He schooled his features into impassive mask and continued flatly. "Very well, Dean. An alpha did not decide to help omegas. Castiel Novak decided to help to protect victims, who instead of being apologized to and compensated wherever possible, are being blamed for trying to save themselves. It has nothing to do with my gender designation, nor that of my clients."

Castiel placed his glass on the table and finally turned to face Dean, who was staring at him wide eyed.

"Thank you for the drink. It was good to finally meet you." He said nodding at him and turned to walk away.

"Whoah, hey!" Dean snapped from his stupor and grabbed Castiel's arm. "Dude! What'd I do?"

"I don't particularly enjoy associating with prejudiced people. I have to endure enough in my line of work to choose to do so on my time." Castiel replied frostily and shrugged his arm free.

"Prejudiced?" Dean spluttered. "How the hell did I come off as prejudiced? Is this about alpha helping omegas thing? Jesus, dude, you're sensitive! It was just a poor choice of words; I didn't try to imply alphas shouldn't help omegas or anything."

Castiel squinted and watched Dean for a few seconds until nodding slowly.

"Besides," Dean continued, "do you really believe Sam would ever let it slide if I was some freakin' bigot?"

"You're, right, I'm sorry." Castiel said at last and sat back on the bar stool. "I had a hearing today, it got me somewhat vexed."

"Did you just seriously use 'vexed' in a sentence?" Dean laughed trying to lighten the mood.

"Is there something wrong with that word?"

"I can see why Sam likes you – you're a nerd."

"Sam likes me because I'm good at what I do." Castiel frowned. "I've only been here for 2 months – he has no other basis to like me."

"Let me tell you a secret, Cas. I have no idea how good or bad you are at what you do, but guess what? I like you too." Dean laughed and nudged Castiel with his shoulder.

"Are you trying to flirt with me, Dean?" Castiel asked tilting his head again. He knew his straightforwardness was usually not well liked, but he found he couldn't not ask. Dean was confusing him and he wanted to set things straight.

"I might be." Dean smiled only taken aback a little bit. This dude was something else.

"You do realize I am an alpha." Cas clarified.

"Now who's being all gender designation prejudiced?" Dean teased, but at the same time he tensed. Two alphas together were not unheard of, but it was rare, after all.

"I'm not being gender designation prejudiced, I'm merely asking, because your brother complained several times that you keep taking different one of his omega colleagues home after these parties and more often than not they are unable to look him in the eye afterwards. I believe he used words like 'manwhore' and 'omeganizer'." Castiel couldn't help but smile a little as Dean scowled and flushed. He was going to kill Sammy.

"Jesus…" Dean groaned rubbing the back of his neck. "I'm… I don't even…"

"It's alright, you don't have to explain anything to me. I merely wanted to make sure you're not drunk enough to confuse me with an omega."

"Dude! I'm not drunk. I just… I'm just gonna kill Sammy, is all."

"If it makes you feel any better, I'm sure he didn't say anything of the sort to any of our omega associates." Castiel offered in his still amused tone. "Speaking of which – I think Jane, the one standing at the end of that table, wouldn't mind if you propositioned her. She's been watching you quite intently."

"Is that your way of letting me down easy?" Dean mumbled.

"Letting you down?" Castiel asked confused. Dean was acting as if he was actually interested in Castiel, when the latter knew for sure it couldn't be right.

"Well, yeah. Didn't I make it clear it's you I'm interested in?"

"Oh… No, I… I'm sorry, Dean, I didn't think you were being serious."

"Well, I was." He shrugged uncomfortably and decided to go all in. After all, this guy was blunt as hell – why couldn't he be? "So? Do I have a chance or am I barking up the wrong tree?"

"Um… I don't understand the reference." Castiel frowned, but then shook his head and smiled. "But I suppose I would like to have another drink, if you're buying."

Dean laughed at that, relaxing visibly.

"Cas, seriously, you can have as much as you want."

"I wonder if you'd be as open to it if it wasn't actually an open bar." Cas mused.

"You might just have to agree to go out with me to a real bar to find that out."

"I might just have to." The other man nodded with a pleased smile.

"And about the other thing…" Dean shrugged again uncomfortably. He wanted to get things straight before going anywhere with Cas. "The 'me preferring omegas' thing… I get that you probably don't want to hear that, the activist and all, but it's chemistry and it's biology, Cas. And I know that people should think with their upstairs brain, but when it comes to the easy hookups you do what your body tells you to do."

"Dean." Castiel interrupted. "You don't have to tell me these things. I have neither reason nor some sort of moral ground to judge you. You do what you want with your life and you sleep with whomever you prefer. The only reason I brought it up was that clearly I am not an omega and you were confusing me."

"Yeah, alright, I just want to say that while I might usually choose an easy way and not think too much about it, I… Fuck, I do like you and there's just something about you that… I don't even know. But I'd like to find out and I hope you'll look past the apparently 'manwhore' and 'omeganizer' crap and, you know, let me."

"I think I've already agreed to go out with you, haven't I?" Cas smiled, pleased that Dean actually did tell him these things. It was good to know that omegas were not the only type he was interested in. Of course, for a long haul Dean would still probably choose an omega, but Castiel was fine with that. It's not like he was looking for a mate anyway. He knew perfectly well he was not an easy person to live with, his previous partners made sure to point that out, and he was pretty sure Dean would never want to put up with him. But that was not something he had to worry about. This was about a date and probably a quick hookup after which Dean would forget his name. Good thing Castiel wasn't shy about sex – he'd have no problems looking Sam in the eye after. He'd really hate to lose Sam's friendship – he was one of the very few he actually liked in this firm.

"All I'm saying is I don't want to start off on the wrong foot here. I think you're really… Well, you're really something else and I want to get you that drink."

"Okay. Is Friday convenient to you?" Castiel smiled and then chuckled at Dean's enthusiastic nodding. "Then why don't we meet at McRoy's at eight? It's on Corner and Grand's streets."

"It's a date." Dean winked at him feeling all warm inside. It was the first time he left one of these parties without an omega on his arm, but it was certainly not the last. It felt like a change and it felt like something good. Then again, there will still be a time when he leaves Sam firm's party with an omega and that will be a change again. Only that time it won't feel just as good.

"You cannot be serious." Castiel gaped at him.

"Why not? Come on, Cas. You know it makes sense!"

"How can it make sense? We've been seeing each other for three months!"

"Yeah, and for two of them we've been practically living together anyway. What's a big deal, Cas?"

"Dean, how can you not see what the big deal is?" Castiel huffed. "By any normal standards we barely know each other and you're asking me to move in with you."

"Okay, answer me this then – when was the last time you slept alone?"

Cas frowned at that and tried to think back. The truth was that Dean was right. Ever since the first date and what Castiel was sure was to be a one night stand, they were pretty much living in each other's pockets. His mind wandered briefly back to the morning after that first night.

Castiel was not a cuddler. He had been told he was a blanket stealer and a kicker, but he was not a cuddler, so when he opened his eyes that first morning to find he was tucked under Dean chin with Dean's arms holding him tightly to his chest and Castiel's own hand curved protectively around Dean's hip, he reasoned it must've been of Dean's doing. Still, it felt good. He knew it was a one off, he knew that as soon as Dean woke up they'd have this awkward one night stand dance, where one doesn't look into the other's eyes as they mumble hurried thanks and goodbyes, but he couldn't resist indulging just a little bit longer, so he closed his eyes and nuzzled at Dean's throat. Sex with Dean was good. No, that was an understatement. It was amazing. Dean was free and unashamed, much like Castiel himself. He had been with a few alphas before and more often than not sex was a show of dominance rather than any sort of intimacy. Castiel was naturally calm and for that reason most alphas seemed to believe he'd be inclined to submit. He could, would and actually liked it sometimes, but never because it was expected of him. Whenever he felt these expectations, he'd rebel instead, which often lead to a very athletic sex. Dean didn't have these expectations, which was a rather pleasant surprise for Cas. Instead he very clearly stated he was open to pretty much anything, which lead to them being up nearly till dawn, getting to know each other's bodies in every way possible. So yes, the sex was amazing and Castiel felt sore and worn out in the most pleasant ways.

Yet, this lying together, close and unbothered – this is something he really craved. It was an illusion, of course, but Castiel found he couldn't not indulge. So he nuzzled Dean's throat once again and let himself drift back to sleep.

"Morning, sleepyhead." He heard soft murmur when he woke up once again. He was still in Dean's arms, head resting on his shoulder.

"Good morning, Dean." Castiel croaked and marveled at how well fucked he sounded. He rolled off Dean, stretched and yawned. He heard the other man chuckle and then Dean reached out for him, wrapped his arm around Cas' middle and pulled him closer again.

"You're a sight for sore eyes in the morning, you know that?"

"I've been told on numerous occasions I'm a grumpy son of the bitch in the morning, actually."

"I'm sure that's nothing a cup of coffee won't fix." Dean smiled and kissed his temple. "Hey, Cas, I wanted to ask you something. Did Sam give you my number?"

Castiel opened his eyes and looked at Dean for a few seconds tilting his head. He then grinned and rolled away again, chuckling slightly.

"Jesus, Dean! You're not even out of my bed yet and you're already afraid I'll be bothering you?" He laughed again."Don't worry, I won't call you and I won't be looking for you. I'm not a clingy type and I'm perfectly aware of how one night stand works. You're safe."

Dean blinked at him owlishly couple of times trying to process what he was saying. Finally, it seemed to hit him and he frowned.

"You're a presumptuous ass, you know that?" He scowled. "I asked, because I want you to have my number. I kinda thought this was going pretty well and I wondered maybe we could call each other sometime and, I don't know, go for a proper dinner maybe? Guess that just flew out of the window."

"Wait, you want to see me again?" Castiel lifted his head to look at Dean. "But I thought… Sam said you only do one time things so I… Wait, is this that 'booty call' thing you're asking me?"

He actually did the air quotes and as pissed as Dean was he couldn't help but think he was still adorable.

"I was going to ask you on a freakin' date, Cas." Dean mumbled. "Why do you keep thinking I'm incapable of anything except fooling around? And seriously, will you be my lawyer, because I really will kill Sam this time."

"If you're considering fratricide, perhaps you shouldn't tell me. I work better when I believe the innocence of my client." Castiel mused. "And for the other thing… I just thought this was your deal – one time thing is all I get and then you move on. I… Um…" He considered for a moment and even though it was highly unlikely this could work, he still took a deep breath and continued. "I'd like to go out on a 'freakin' date with you, Dean."

And that was that. After that first night Dean stayed with Castiel for the entire weekend. They cooked together, watched countless shows and movies, went grocery shopping and even cleaned up a little bit together. It was more domestic than either of them had for a longest time, especially considering they barely knew each other, but it felt right anyway. Of course all the sex they had in between domestic bits didn't hurt. Not in a bad way, anyway.

On Monday Dean drove Cas to work saying it was on his way; and he picked him up claiming he was only doing so because since he drove Cas to work, he didn't have his car. Cas invited him in for dinner and then to spend the night. They agreed to go on an actual date involving dinner on Thursday and that was the longest they spent not seeing each other since. After that date they made plans to see each other often enough, but even in between Dean would sometimes drop by at Cas' work under a pretense of seeing Sam and then drag both of them to lunch. Or Cas would call him on his way home and ask if he maybe wanted to come over for takeout. For the life of him, Castiel couldn't pin point when going home from work actually started meaning going to Dean's, but he was right – he couldn't even remember when the last time he slept alone was. Sometimes they went to Castiel's, but lately more or less all their free time was spent in Dean's living room – the same one they were sitting in now. In all fairness, Cas had so many of his things at Dean's that at this point it'd be difficult to actually go to work from home without swinging by Dean's to pick some of his things up. So perhaps it did make sense. Only…

"Living together speaks permanence, Dean." Castiel said at last.

"Geez, you think?" He rolled his eyes. "What the hell do you think was happening here?"

Castiel stared at him for a few long seconds and suddenly Dean felt chill streaking through his bones. Did he misjudged this? He was pretty sure Cas felt the same way, but they never really voiced what they felt for each other and now… Was he wrong?

"Fuck." He muttered, eyes wide and hurt. "Fuck, you don't… I thought you… Fuck, I'm an idiot!"

"Dean, stop." Castiel said firmly reaching out and curling his hand around the back of Dean's neck. Dean's heart was hammering wildly in his chest, but the touch still grounded him. "It's not about me not caring about you, do you understand? I care very much and I know you know it too."

Dean blinked and let out a sigh of relief.

"Don't do that again!" Dean growled and kissed his friend. "You almost gave me a heart attack."

"If you stopped assuming for one…"

"Yeah, yeah." He cut him off. "So what do you say? Do you wanna live with me?"

"What I want and what is prudent is not the same thing." Castiel said at last.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"We're both alphas."

"I think we got that covered the first time I met you. So?"

Castiel looked down at his hands for a brief moment, took a deep breath and looked at Dean.

"To explain you all this, I'm going to tell you a story. I think you'll understand what I mean then."

"A story?" Dean raised his eyebrow surprised.

"Well, not so much a story, but perhaps more of a baggage of mine. You see, before I moved here, before getting a job at Sandover, I lived in Pontiac. The location is not relevant to the story, just so we're clear, but the decision to move was part of the new beginning kind of thing. You see, couple of years back I met a girl and… Well, you know how those things go – I fell stupidly in love. She was beta and she was… Amazing. You know how betas are considered the level-headed ones? The ones that are not affected by all this chemistry and biology of designations and so they are more often than not calm and easy-going people? Well, Meg was nothing of the sort. She was feisty and wild and I loved every little bit of that. It didn't end well and I'll get to that, but I think she loved me too in her own hurtful way."

"Cas is that… I mean… Look, I know you don't mean it, but I'm kind of on a verge of growling here. The alpha in me is kind of pouncing at the thought you were with someone else and actually loved them." He tightened his arms around Castiel and kissed his temple. Jealousy was something Dean had never had to deal with before, but Cas just had this effect on him. A mere thought of Cas touching someone else made him edgy as hell, as stupid as it was, considering.

"I'm sorry." Cas muttered and turned to kiss Dean properly. "I know the feeling, but I need to tell you this so you understand."

Dean pulled Cas closer to him still and nodded for Cas to continue.

"I think we were happy. We were very different, but I think that was precisely what pulled us in so much. She could make me do craziest things; I could make her stand still. We fought fiercely, but in the end we'd always go back to each other. There was just one thing we couldn't agree on – fate. I know it sounds crazy when I put it like that, but Meg was sure that in the end I'd leave her for my one true omega mate. You've heard the stories – supposedly you meet your one true mate and all of the sudden you can't live without them. I told her that it was an utter nonsense and that I'd never leave her for anyone, but she'd been hurt before and so she was sure that sooner or later I'd meet my little omega and leave. Reasoning with her didn't work, so I decided to do what I do best – pull up some numbers. You can't get decent statistics on partners with different gender designations, so I thought marital statistics would do. After all, if partners took that final step – it must've been serious. I thought I'd show her that there's no significant difference in divorce rate in marriages of different gender designations."

"You fight dirty, Cas." Dean chuckled. "Sorry, but seriously – you decided to fight with statistics?"

"It seemed the best thing at the time." Castiel frowned. "I was desperate. Anyway, I never actually showed Meg the numbers because… I was wrong."

"Really?"

"It turns out there is a significant difference in divorce rate of marriages of different gender designation. The lowest rate, as you might've guessed, is in alpha/omega marriages. Those are by far the most successful, with the big gap between them and the others. Then comes beta/beta, then alpha/beta, then omega/omega and finally the highest rate is in alpha/alpha marriages. I focused on alpha/beta rates then, but I remember all numbers. Dean, 75% of all alpha/alpha marriages end up in divorce. 50% of that is because one or both spouses cheat, predominately with an omega. You can imagine how pissed I was to find all that out – I wanted to believe that we rule our lives, not our designations, but it turned out that… Well, you know."

"Cas, it doesn't prove anything." Dean frowned. He had to admit that numbers unsettled him, but he was never the one to believe in fate or destiny. "It doesn't mean that one of us will go and find himself an omega all of the sudden."

"No, it doesn't. But it does make you wonder. I have this friend who told me his wife is his one true mate, so I've asked him once what was it like to be mated like that. He used to be what your brother would call a 'manwhore' before he met his mate, but when he did, he just stopped. He said it's like being pulled by the strings – it strips away your free will and leaves you defenseless. He said he's never been happier and even if he could – he'd never choose something else, because there really can't be anything better than finding your 'the one'. His words, not mine, but it pretty much goes in line with what all of the mated alphas and omegas I ever heard of said – you meet them, you can't resist. Anyway, as I said – I didn't show those numbers to Meg and I never told her what I knew about mating bonds, but in the end it didn't matter. She was so sure I'd find an omega and I'd leave her that she found herself a nice and reliable beta guy just in case. In the end we were just one more statistical point proving alpha/beta pairings are not ideal."

"Fuck, Cas, I'm sorry." Dean said feeling phantom anger at this faceless Meg person who dared hurting Cas.

"It's alright, Dean. I had time to deal with it and I'm largely over it. That's not the point anyway. You see… I think there's something wrong with me."

"What?"

"Well, I've never actually preferred omegas. Every alpha I know of claim they'd prefer omega, especially if one is in heat and I get the appeal. I had omega partners before and they had shared their heats with me sometimes, but as pleasant as it was, that was never the most important thing. If anything, sex I had with you was better than pretty much anything I've experienced so far including omegas in or out of heat. And I know that this is not right, I know that for 'normal' alphas there's nothing more invigorating than ability to mate their omegas… And then there's you. You, who I know for a fact prefers omegas."

"Jesus, Cas! I thought we went over this. It's you I want. Do you hear me? I want you."

"I'm not trying to say you'll end up cheating on me, but Dean, you can't ignore the facts."

"What facts, Cas? So what if 75% of marriages fail – 25% don't. So what if the world is apparently full of cheating alphas – I've never cheated in my life and I believe you won't cheat on me too. And for the record – there's nothing wrong with you! You are a fucking 'normal' alpha and just because you don't want to mount the first willing omega doesn't make you not 'normal' – it simply means you're not a slut. And also just so you know – sex with you is the best I ever had and if you're not a real alpha, then who the hell fucked me last night and then popped a knot that got us tied together for almost half an hour?"

"Dean…"

"No, Cas! I'm sick and tired of you trying to find reasons not to be with me. You want me to spell it out to you? Fine, I will. I'm in love with you, Cas. I love you! Here, you're happy now? And I won't strut on my merry way just because some omega bats their eyelashes at me! I've been with enough omegas and not once did I want to stay the next morning, much less felt like I couldn't go away, but Cas – I saw you on the other side of the crowded room and I couldn't stop staring at you. Now, for god's sake, will you or will you not move in with me?"

"You… You love me." Castiel repeated dazed.

Dean watched him for a few seconds, then cupped his face and repeated in a much softer tone. "I love you."

"I'll move in with you." Was all Castiel said, still looking somewhat dazed.

"Good. Now was it so difficult?"

"Yes." Castiel nodded, but before Dean could retort he smiled. "I love you too, you know."

"Now I do!" Dean laughed. "Jesus, if anything you'd expect less drama in alpha/alpha pairing."

"You would, wouldn't you?" Castiel smirked and kissed Dean. "So about this moving in – you know you kind of resolved yourself to making me coffee every morning, right?"

"As if that's new. You're a freakin' bastard before your first coffee and I happen to like caffeinated you much more."

"Good." He chuckled. "By the way – I think Sam is going to tease you to actual tears about this."

To this Dean simply groaned.

Two years – that's how long it took for both Castiel and Dean to be proven wrong and it was perhaps ironic that it happened precisely at the same place they met.

Two years is a long enough time to get to know each other, to get lulled into safety and security of each other's presence and that was exactly what happened to Dean and Castiel. It wasn't perfect by any stretch of imagination – on bad days they fought, they argued, they yelled at each other and sent one another to sleep on the couch sometimes. On better days they bickered and annoyed one another, but even through most unreasonable arguments they kept touching one another because still nothing grounded them more than each other's touch. On good days they laughed and kissed and generally wouldn't keep their hands off one another – even in the quiet times, working together or even cleaning the apartment they'd look at each other and smile. So, it wasn't perfect – they fought too much and talked things through too little – but they both were happy. This happiness came through whispered apologies, gentle smiles and soft words, through morning coffees and surprise lunch dates, through slipping under covers and wrapping their arms around each other on the couch after the harshest fights and through countless kisses and 'I love yous' when they were needed the most. And that was exactly why they were so utterly unprepared for what happened next.

"You know I hate these parties." Dean whined for a fifth time and Castiel felt his patience thinning.

"Yes, Dean, I'm aware." He said forcing himself to remain calm. "If I had doubts the first three times you said it, I certainly don't have them now."

"Don't be an ass." Dean groaned and Castiel rolled his eyes. Dean could be such a child sometimes.

"Alright, Dean, how about this – you go through with this party without complaining and when we get home I'll do that thing with my tongue you like so much."

Dean eyes widened beautifully, just as Castiel expected, but unfortunately the moment was cut short by Sam spluttering indignantly. Engrossed in their own personal bubble none of them saw Sam approach, so now they both blushed and chuckled.

"You," Dean pointed at Sam, "not a word. And you," he placed his palm on Cas' chest, "have yourself a deal."

"I really, really don't want to know." Sam shook his head scrunching his nose. "Anyway, Cas, we need to go talk to Zachariah – he's been throwing fits about Samhain's case."

"What, again?" Castiel rubbed his temples tiredly. So much for a party – he'll have to spend half an evening trying to appease Zachariah while reminding him this case was Castiel's and he didn't appreciate interference. Things will definitely go hairy – good thing Sam was there.

"Dean, I have to deal with this. I'll try to be back quickly, but… Well, you know him."

"Yeah, yeah… Don't let him get away with anything, okay, Cas?" Dean frowned and then kissed his friend. "You know where to find me once you're done."

"Open bar?" Cas chuckled.

"Beacon of light in this god forsaken place." Dean nodded laughing. "Come back soon."

Castiel chuckled, kissed Dean once again and then went after Sam leaving Dean meandering towards the bar.

At least they weren't cheap with the bar – was the only good thing Dean could say about Cas' firm – the drinks here were amazing. It was not surprising, therefore, that an hour later Dean was pleasantly buzzed on 30 year old whiskey. The barman was nice enough to chat with and the whiskey was awesome, so all things considered, they night wasn't a bust. Plus, if Cas does that thing he does with his tongue later on tonight – the night might turn out to be actually great. Jesus, the way he dips it… But the thought was cut short by a beautiful voice asking for a glass of wine by his side. Dean turned to say hello and was met with a pair of warmest dark brown eyes he'd ever seen. His breathing hitched at the sight, but when he finally sucked in a breath, his senses were overwhelmed with the scent of home and joy and pie and all the things he thought were happiness. He stared at her, mouth agape, his hands clutching the tumbler so hard he had a fleeting worry in the recesses of his mind he might actually shatter it.

She was beautiful – tall and lean the way only women who truly loved sports ever looked. Her skin was a warm shade of golden and her hair was dark brown. Her lips were full and pink and the bow of them so inviting Dean knew that given the chance he'd spend hours tracing them with his tongue, memorizing them. She had a kind face and a body worth killing for – lean and firm, with tiny waist and beautifully shaped breasts. If Dean ever had a type – she was his type incarnated and he couldn't pull his eyes off her.

She smiled at him then – warm and amused and clearly interested.

"Lisa." She said holding out her hand and as Dean took it he felt an almost electric current run through him. She sucked in a startled breath staring at him and just like that they both knew.

"Dean." He muttered still shocked. "Do you… Um… Do you feel this too?"

"I thought it was a myth." She said with a slightly dazed smile. "Like an old wife's tale, you know?"

"Yeah…" He nodded, still in a haze of jumbled thoughts, senses and emotions. It was hard to concentrate, hard to think clearly when everything in her invited him. He couldn't remember why he shouldn't; surely there could be no reason important enough to resist this pull. She was everything he didn't even know he wanted. She was his mate and an alpha in him growled with jubilation at having finally found her. "You're… Um… Jesus, are you even real?"

She laughed at that; a happy sound resonating through Dean, making him smile in return. He couldn't concentrate, couldn't think straight, but that didn't really matter, not when she was so close to him, not when all he could feel was the warmth of her skin, not when all he could smell was a happy omega, his happy omega.

"So, do you work here?" She asked him, trying to ease the tension between them.

Dean shook his head.

"No, my brother does." He said. He knew there was something else, something he supposed to be thinking of, but clearly a mind was a marvelous thing. With all the pheromones between them, with his body urging him to claim his stake, to keep his mate, his mind helpfully did not supply him with reasons not to. Nothing mattered at this moment, except an alpha finding his omega. He wanted her, not just the way he used to want the others; he wanted to have her, to keep her, to mate her and always be with her. He'd heard stories like that before, but he never believed them, not truly – body is not supposed to rule the mind after all. But right now nothing seemed more important than to get her out of this party, go someplace private and finally have her. "Listen, Lisa… It's kind of hard to concentrate right now and I really do want to get to know you properly, but I'm kind of terrified I might snap at any second now so could we maybe take it somewhere else?"

"Oh, thank god! I thought it was just me!" She laughed shakily. "Yes, of course, let's go. We'll have time to get to know each other later, but now I just want you to… Well, you know."

"Yeah, yeah, come on." A predatory grin spread on his face as he took her hand and led her to the exit swerving through the crowd. They were almost at the door when Dean felt a hand wrap around his other arm. Dean turned back ready to snap and growl at anyone interfering with him right now, but was met with a confused blue eyed stare that for some unfathomable reason made him stop dead in his tracks.

"Dean?" Castiel asked hesitantly. "Are you alright? Where are you going?"

Dean pulled his arm out of Cas' hold, still clutching Lisa's hand firmly. His mind was completely blank, but it was imperative to keep holding her, he knew that much.

Castiel's gaze traveled down Dean's side noticing him holding someone's hand for the first time. He snapped his head up to look at the said someone and saw a beautiful omega woman leaning closely against Dean. She seemed vaguely familiar, a new associate probably. He tilted his head in confusion and looked back at Dean frowning.

"Dean?" He asked again, feeling the first tendrils of dread creep up his spine, but Dean stared at him with blank eyes for a moment and then shook his head.

"I have to go." He muttered and started walking again, dragging the woman with him.

"What the fuck?" All three of them startled at Sam's incredulous gasp. He stepped forward, so that he was now in front of Dean, and placed his hand on his brother's shoulder. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

Dean shook his brother's hand off him and literally snarled. The alpha in him raged at the mere thought that someone was challenging his authority. He had his mate to take care of and no alpha would stand in his way. He pushed past him, still growling, but as Sam was about to yank him back, Castiel wrapped his arm around Sam's chest stopping him. They watched Dean walk out of the door with the woman on his heels, but when Sam turned back to ask Cas what the hell was happening, he was met with a shell shocked stare.

"Let him go." Castiel mumbled blinking slowly.

"Why? What the hell happened here?"

"I think… I think I just lost him." He said in a voice so small Sam barely heard him. It hit Sam then – the stories all of them had heard of true mates and all that destiny crap.

"Fuck." Sam muttered under his breath and took in the sight of Cas, still shocked, wide eyed and already shaking minutely. He put his hands on Cas' shoulders and turned him gently to walk him to the bar. He got them double whiskey each and pushed the glass into Cas' shaking hands.

"Drink." He said silently and as Cas did what he was told, he gave him the other glass as well.

"I'm so sorry, Cas…" He started, but Castiel just shook his head.

"Don't, please just… Don't."

"Cas, he'll snap out of it, you'll see, he'll…"

"Sam, stop talking, please." Castiel shook his head and drank the second glass. "I… You shouldn't feel sorry, you know? Your brother just found his true mate."

"Cas…" Sam started, but Cas was having none of it.

"He'll be happy now. He… He will have everything he ever wished for."

"He was happy with you." Sam said slowly and Cas fixed him with his stare for a long while. Finally he smiled this heartbroken smile that made Sam's heart clench sympathetically.

"He was, wasn't he? I was too; he made me very happy…"

"Cas, it doesn't have to be over…"

"Don't Sam, I don't want false hopes. You know the stories – one true mate, something irresistible, someone you can't live without… He will be happy, that's all that matters."

"But what about you?"

"I… God, I have no clue what I'm going to do… I mean I knew this was possible, but at the same time I really believed he wouldn't… And now… I can't really go home, um, I suppose I should just call it Dean's home now." He was babbling distractedly, steadily slipping into the numbness of shock.

"Jesus, Cas, it's your home too! If anything, Dean's the one who should be moving out."

"No, it was always Dean's home, so… Anyway, I don't really have to worry about it – I can afford hotel for a time being and then… I suppose I can go visit Gabriel, he will take me in for a while, I guess. I had to listen to his countless 'off again' phases with Kali, he… uhm… owes me… I just don't know. I think I have to take it one step at a time and… I think I'll start with getting a hotel room, getting really, really drunk and feeling sorry for me. And then tomorrow I'll start dealing with it." He continued rambling, unable to stop.

"Do you want some company?" Sam asked hating the way Cas looked – defeated and hurt.

"No, Sam. I don't think I could be a good company today. I… I never wanted to lose him and I just can't believe this happened. I don't get to go home with him anymore. I don't get to fall asleep with him and he won't make me coffee tomorrow morning… And I'll miss him, I already miss him, but he no longer cares, he no longer wants me…" A sob wracked itself out of his throat and Cas shuddered trying to pull himself together. "I think I should just go now."

"Cas, if you need anything… You know I'm your friend, right? Even if Dean and you are no longer together, I'm still your friend."

"Yes, thank you Sam, I do appreciate that." He visibly tried to concentrate, though his eyes glistened with unshed tears. "Actually… I think I'm going to take couple of days off work, go see Gabe and… well, you know, change the scene for a while. But… By the time I'm back, could you maybe get my laptop from Dean's? And also, could you ask him when it's convenient for him that I send someone for my things?"

"Wait, you're not going to speak to him yourself?" Sam asked incredulously. He simply couldn't wrap his head around the fact that Dean and Cas were no longer just that – Dean and Cas. They were always just so together, from that first time they saw each other, that it just didn't make sense that Dean was somewhere with somebody else.

"No, I don't think I will. There's nothing left to say, really."

"But…"

"Really, Sam. I know he's going to be sorry for me after they're mated and he snaps out of that haze. But I don't want his guilt, much less his pity. I've lost him already and it won't do me any good to see his guilt. I don't even want him to feel guilty about this – it's a good thing that happened to him. A good thing… I always wanted him happy and now I know he will be. Good things do happen and if anything, he deserves every good thing that comes his way. I won't hold him back." He took a deep breath and squared his shoulders. "I'm going to go now. If he… Just tell him I understand and that he has nothing to feel guilty for, okay?"

Sam surged forward and enveloped his friend into a tight hug. He felt more than heard a sob that shook Castiel's frame and he just held on stronger shielding him from the clatter and noises of the party around them. There wasn't much he could do for him now, but the little comfort he could give, he gave willingly.

In the end Castiel spent two days at the hotel before forcing himself to snap out of it enough to get on the bus and go to Gabriel. That first night he got so drunk that he actually passed out. He drank until he could no longer see the image of Dean holding his new mate in his arms. As a consequence when he woke up whole twelve hours later, he was still mind numbingly drunk. So instead of facing world's worst hangover, he just drank some more and passed out again. As a result when he finally woke up in the middle of the second night on top of emotional pain he had to endure very real physical pain of extreme hangover bordering very real alcohol poisoning. As it was, Castiel welcomed physical pain with fervor – at least he had something real to worry about, instead of his foolish broken heart.

He was finally able to check out in late afternoon of the following day, courtesy of two hours spent hovering over the toilet, longest shower he ever took and two aspirins. He felt like shit and he looked like shit. Castiel hadn't talked to anyone since the party, although he'd seen 5 missed calls from Sam and 1 from Gabriel. He hadn't called back, instead he wondered if Dean tried to call him. He blocked his number as soon as he came to the hotel – partly because he really didn't think he could talk to him, but mostly because that was the only way he could lie to himself that Dean at least tried to call him. He probably didn't – he was newly mated after all, why would he want to speak to Cas? But somewhere deep down Castiel hoped that he did, if only to say goodbye.

As he sat silently on the bus driving him to Gabriel's, he wondered how different he felt now compared to when he found out about Meg. He loved her fiercely and would've done anything to keep her happy, but somewhere deep down he always doubted they could make it work. There were no reasons for it and he spent months telling Meg he'd never leave her, but deep down there was always a doubt. Maybe it was because he saw Meg didn't believe him, or maybe it was because they were simply too different, he didn't know. It is not to say he wasn't blindsided when he found out about James, but he wasn't so… for the lack of better word – surprised. Now with Dean… Castiel was the one who doubted the longevity of their relationship and Castiel was the one who said it was more than likely that Dean would eventually end up with an omega and yet it turns out he believed Dean's assurances and his easy, carefree demeanor. He believed him when he brushed off Castiel's worries with warm smiles and affectionate touches and so now he was… Again, for the lack of better word – surprised. Except surprised is really not the word he'd use. He felt robbed and cheated of the life that should've been his. He didn't do anything wrong – he didn't screw up, he didn't disappoint Dean or do something for Dean to stop loving him. No, he simply wasn't his mate and it sucked. Yes, he wasn't selfish enough to begrudge Dean's happiness, but it didn't mean it was fair to him and Castiel was angry more than anything else. He was angry because he finally had a good person with him – kind and caring and just so… loved. And now this fate or chemistry or biology or what-the-hell-ever swept right in and destroyed everything they both built. And it just wasn't fair!

"Hello, Gabriel." He muttered as he finally arrived at his brother's.

Gabriel took one good look at him and opened the door wider, surprisingly not saying anything at all, despite the fact that Castiel lived good six hours away from Gabriel and had never once dropped by unannounced. Castiel stepped in, but before he could say anything his brother pulled him into a tight hug.

"I called you at work yesterday." He said as explanation and Castiel nodded silently. "They told me you took all the days off you had unexpectedly and wouldn't be back until end of next week. I was worried sick about you, kiddo."

"I'm sorry." He muttered and pulled back. "I didn't want to talk to anyone."

"It's Dean, isn't it?" His brother scowled. "What the dumb son-of-the-bitch did now?"

"Dean… He didn't do… Fuck, Gabe…" Castiel shuddered and tried to pull himself together. "True mate, can you believe it? He found his one true mate!" He laughed brokenly, pretending it didn't end in a sob.

Gabriel stared at his brother for a few seconds and the cursed silently under his breath.

"Fuck. After what that bitch did now this happens… You really have the worst luck, bro."

"That's one way of putting it, I suppose." Castiel nodded and followed his brother into the living room.

"It's not your fault, you know that, right?" Gabriel asked.

"I'm not delusional. I know there was literally nothing I could've done to stop this." He sighed. "Doesn't mean it feels any better."

"Well, at least you're not blaming yourself, unlike the last time, after what the bitch…"

"Will you stop it?" Castiel snapped. "She was not a bitch and I've told you countless times it took us both to wreck that relationship."

"Okay, okay…"

"Besides, I don't see how reminding me I failed before is supposed to help me now. I assumed right about now you would be on your way of getting me drunk."

"Do you want to get drunk, kiddo?"

"No. But even more than that I don't want to keep imagining Dean with his new mate. So blind me Gabriel and make me stop thinking."

"I can do that." He promised and before long the two of them were slumped on the couch, two thirds of Jack gone and Star Wars rolling silently in the background.

"You wanna talk about it?" Gabriel asked, not for the first time.

"There's nothing to say." Castiel replied pouring some more of Jack. "I just… I don't know what to do."

"What do you want to do?"

"I don't… After Meg I thought leaving and changing scenery would do me good. It did, but… I just don't know if I want to go through all of this again. I like it there. I like my job well enough; my colleagues are mostly dicks, but there are some good people there too. I'm good at what I do and there's just so much to be done still. I guess I don't really want to just leave.'

"Then stay."

"Everything reminds me of Dean there." Castiel smiled sadly. "His brother is one of my best friends and his mate is actually a co-worker. I don't think I can see them together again; it was just… too much. And even the little things – how am I supposed to go to the park and not think about picnics Dean and I had there? How do I go to my favorite coffee shop when I know Sarah will ask me about Dean? Small things, little things – they remind me of him and I… I love him and I just can't face him anymore."

"So then… You're leaving again, aren't you?"

"I'd rather not. I'd rather go home, curl around Dean and never let go, but I don't have that option. I can either stay and endure seeing him blissfully happy with his mate or I can go and try putting all of this behind me. And I can't see him, Gabriel, I really, really can't."

"No, I get it." Gabriel nodded and drank up. "Sometimes I think the same about Kali, you know? That I should just go and leave her to her never-ending bullshit; that I just can't handle it anymore and that it's just not worth it. But it's different with us. We're both betas and there's no chemistry or biology or fate crap separating us. She's just a psychotic bitch that I love more than anything and I can't help hoping it'll work out."

Castiel chuckled silently. "I never thought I'd envy you your relationship with Kali and here I am…"

"You should go." Gabriel sighed. "That town is just too damn small – you'll keep seeing him and I don't think you can handle it all that well."

"I should go." Castiel nodded.

"Hey, how about you move here? I mean I know you hate moving and at least here you'll have your favorite brother to keep you company when you're wallowing in self pity and man-pain."

"You're my only brother, Gabriel. And I don't wallow. Especially in self pity and man-pain." Castiel couldn't help but smile. Perhaps moving there wasn't such a bad idea. As Gabriel's ideas go, this might as well have been one of the better. "I guess I could. It's not like I have anything planned anyway and… Well, a defense attorney can pretty much find work anywhere."

"That's the spirit, kiddo. And just imagine how amazing it's gonna be when you finally pull yourself out of self pity phase and a rebound phase begins! I'm gonna be the best wing man ever!"

"I don't have rebound phase." Despite everything Castiel rolled his eyes fondly.

"Ah, well that's because you never had me around after bad breakup." He chuckled, but then grew serious again when he saw Castiel frown again.

"You know… He looked at me and I don't think he even knew who I was. How fucked up is that?"

"Don't do this to yourself, Cassie."

"I just can't seem to stop thinking about it. Two years, Gabe. Two years of building life together and then he looks at her for one goddamn second and I lose everything. How is that fair?"

"It's not…"

"He looks at me and he doesn't even know who I am, he doesn't care he's breaking me apart… Fuck, I really need to get drunker for this."

"Now, that's something I can help you with!" Gabriel jumped up and poured generous amounts of Jack for each of them. "I might suck at relationship advice and I'm pretty sure there's nothing to actually advise, little bro, but I'm good at getting you shitfaced. So drink up, we have two more bottles ahead of us."

When Castiel woke up the next morning it was more of an afternoon than a morning. He felt dizzy and disoriented for a moment, unsure of where he was and why Dean wasn't sleeping beside him. It took him all of two seconds to remember and all of the sudden the feeling of intense hangover was the least of his worries. He groaned pitifully, hid his head under the pillow and fell asleep again. He didn't hear Sam calling for the sixth time that day nor did he care. His mind was made up, he was leaving again.

It took Castiel four more days to get hold of himself enough to be able to go to work to hand in his resignation. He would have preferred just to mail it in, but he had some of his things at the office and despite some of his colleagues and his boss being rather unpleasant, he still needed to part with them on good terms. He had been ignoring his phone for the last week and Castiel was pretty sure that at least some of those calls were from work – in his world people didn't just go on holidays and ignore their phone, so he really needed to play good with his firm to be able to get similar job in Seattle. Despite of what some may say this was a small world after all.

Which is why at 9 the following Monday Castiel found himself packing up the precious few of his belongings he actually cared about into a box. To say Zachariah wasn't happy about Castiel's resignation would be a gross understatement. He raved and ranted about how unreliable his employees were and how he couldn't trust anyone. He then moved on to offer a senior partner position to bemused Castiel who couldn't help but wonder how Zachariah managed to get to his position if he couldn't maintain the logical stream of sentences. But perhaps that was what Zachariah was looking for in a senior partner – unreliable and untrustworthy. The fact that Castiel had to actually work hard to keep his smile off his face just proved to him how unhinged he was. Instead he kept impassive expression, thanked his boss for everything and insisted he was leaving with immediate effect. He didn't go into details, just told him he had personal reasons and that he'd be moving and therefore it was in fact impossible for him to keep his position. It seemed to appease Zachariah some, at least he wasn't losing his lawyers to a competitor. In the end he even agreed to send in some references should Castiel need them and in turn Castiel promised to hand over his current cases to one of the partners and also consult them over the phone until his cases were solved. All in all it went better than Castiel could have hoped for, so now all he had to do was collect his belongings and then arrange for his remaining things to be moved from Dean's. After all, Sam had promised to help with that so Castiel was fairly certain he would never see Dean again. It was for the best, or so Castiel had been telling himself, although there was a small part of him who couldn't help but wonder what Dean would tell him if he ever saw him again. That same little part of him couldn't accept that it was over, that he'd never see Dean again and that Dean didn't want him anymore. Castiel hated that part of himself, because as long as there was hope in him, he knew it'd be that much harder to move on. He contemplated calling Dean to get rid of that hope once and for all. Mostly it happened when he was drunk at night, but in the end he wasn't a teenage girl and this wasn't some sort of catchy song and really – there was never a true doubt. He had lost Dean the moment he laid his eyes on his true mate and that was that. So he didn't call and he wasn't going to see him. Instead, when he got all of his things packed, he planned to go see Sam and make the final arrangement. Except he never got this far, because just before he was ready to head to Sam's office, he heard some yelling in the hall as his assistant tried to stop someone barging in. Castiel asked to cancel all of his appointments and not to disturb him and obviously Hannah was doing her best, but whoever it was, he was having none of it. A second later, Sam burst through the door.

"Cas! Oh, thank god, Cas!" He pulled startled Castiel into a tight hug. "Fuck, Zachariah told me you quit and I thought you'd already left and… Fuck! Don't do that again!"

"Um… Sam?" Castiel mumbled trying to wriggle out of Sam's hold. It always felt like being squashed to a wall in those hyper Sam's hugs.

"I tried to call you, you ass!" Sam yelled. "What the hell do you think the phone's for?"

"I… kind of… Well, I wasn't feeling like talking, really."

"No shit. Dean's been going crazy li…"

"What?" Castiel asked sharply. "You seriously want to talk about Dean with me right now? I thought you were the tactful one of the Winchesters."

"Cas, listen to me, you have to talk to Dean!"

"Are you kidding me?" Castiel pulled away violently.

"No, Cas, you don't understand…" Sam started urgently, but Castiel wasn't having any of this.

"No, Sam." He said silently, but firmly. "Dean is… This is over. He's happily mated and…"

"He's not!" Sam shouted suddenly. "He's not mated, Cas. He didn't go through with it."

'What?"

"He didn't, Cas. I swear, I'm not lying to you. He's not mated and you need to talk to him before he goes insane and drives me right along with him!"

"But… But… What?"

"Look, I can tell you the whole thing, but I really think you should hear it from Dean. Please, Cas, just go home and talk to him. He's been barely eating or sleeping this entire week, thinking you've gone for good. Just go and talk to him and for the love of god – go back to being sickeningly happy together before I lose my freakin' mind worrying for you two!"

"I… But… Sam, how can this be? We both saw them! He really isn't… Sam, so help me god, I will kick your ass if you're lying to me now!"

"I'd never lie about something like that!" Sam scoffed indignantly. "Go, talk to him, please!"

"I... Yes, ok, I suppose…" Castiel mumbled, but his feet were walking. Despite the messed up jumble in his head, he still knew with absolute certainty that he was going to see Dean and talk to him. That little part he tried to squash, the one that still had hope, tripled in size suddenly and even though Castiel tried to tell himself this was all some sort of mistake and that there's no way Dean wasn't mated, it pulsed with relentless hope inside him.

Castiel silently walked i to the apartment he'd been sharing with Dean for two years. He didn't know what he expected, but the truth was it looked completely the same, as if he walked out of it not over a week ago, but just that same morning. He heard noise in the kitchen, but before he could head that way, he saw Dean coming out of it, mug of coffee cradled in his hands. They both froze for a moment and Castiel couldn't help but notice all the little details in him that changed in the week apart. Dean was tired - that much was obvious. Deep circles were visible beneath his eyes as well as clearly an older than three day scruff. He looked disheveled and grumpy, but most of all he looked unhappy. It hurt to see him this way, but at the same time the treacherous part of his mind couldn't help but feel immensely hopeful - Dean didn't look like someone recently and happily mated.

"Dean." Castiel muttered and it seemed that it was all the other man needed. He jerked, the mug slipping out of his shaky hands and smashing to pieces. Neither of them paid it any mind, not with Dean nearly tackling Castiel in his haste to pull him into his arms.

"Cas…" Dean breathed holding him in a tight embrace. "Cas, Cas, oh thank fuck, Cas…"

Castiel stood still for a second longer before wrapping his arms around the other man.

"I thought… I thought… Fuck, Cas!" Dean mumbled into his neck unable to form a sentence. Instead he pulled back a little and pressed his lips firmly to Castiel's. It was just a chaste kiss, simply a press of the lips, but they both pulled back with a mirrored sigh.

"Tell me it's true." Castiel muttered. "Tell me you're not mated."

"Jesus, no! No, I'm not mated. Fuck, Cas, I thought you left! I called you a thousand times and you never… Cas!"

"I blocked your number." Castiel shrugged. "I thought you'd never call, so I blocked your number."

"How does that make sense to you?"

"I wanted to believe you would…"

"Jesus, Cas…" Dean buried his face in Cas' neck again inhaling deeply. "I thought you left me…"

"Dean, how are you not mated?" Castiel asked instead, still refusing to let go. He was terrified to ask, yet couldn't seem to stop himself.

"I… " Dean took a deep breath. "I snapped out of it."

"What?"

"Lisa… Her name's Lisa. Um… Well, we walked out of that party, but I couldn't shake the feeling something was wrong. You have no idea how it feels, Cas. I felt drugged, lulled to ignorance for everything that wasn't her. I don't even know how to explain. It's horrible, Cas. And it's so good… I remember looking at you and not understanding why does it pain me so much to see you hurt. All my instincts screamed to get my mate, but at the same time there was something in the back of my head whispering how wrong it feels. Cas… I'm so sorry, I'm so fucking sorry I put you through this!"

"It's not your fault. You found your true mate, Dean, I can't blame you for that."

"Jesus, I thought you'd be like that, you know? Omegas and true mates and all that crap. But Cas, I already have a mate, don't you get that? That's what made me snap out of it. I already have a mate."

"Dean, you know that's not how this biology / chemistry thing works."

"Well, screw that! All I know is that when Lisa kissed me, all I felt was how wrong it was. She was all wrong for me, even though everyone would tell you true mate is supposed to feel right. Well, it didn't okay? It didn't. All I could think of was that she didn't smell right and that she didn't taste right and most of all - she didn't feel right. That's when, right there, this whole hormone fog cleared enough for me to realize I was kissing a perfect stranger, when I already have someone I want to spend my life kissing. So I left."

"You left?" Castiel asked incredulously.

"Well. It wasn't easy. I mean, this crap sure fucks with you. But Cas, I promised you, okay? I love you and I promised you time and again there won't be any omega standing in our way. I love you."

"But… But…" Castiel stammered. "She's your true mate. I hate to say this, but she's the one perfectly suited for you. I mean… Why would you give something like that up? She's literally perfect for you."

"Free will. I don't want to be with someone just because it's supposed to be fate or something. I want to be with someone I choose and Cas, I will always choose you." Dean surged forward and kissed him again.

"I… You have no idea how much I want to believe you." Castiel said as they pulled back. "I was so sure I lost you, so sure it was over…"

"It's not and you have to believe me. I told you we're gonna make it and we will."

"What if you regret it?" Cas asked suddenly. "What if some time from now you look back and regret ever choosing me over your mate? She's perfect for you, Dean, and I… I'm just… well, me. I'm terrified that one day you'll look back and you'll resent me for making you leave the one person who would make you happy…"

"No! You're not allowed to think like that, Cas. I'm not doing it because of some sort of misguided obligation or guilt - I'm doing this for me. I love you, Cas, do you hear me? I love you and I want to spend my life with you. And I don't know if it'll work out, but guess what - I believe it will. I believe we'll be stupidly, sickeningly happy and annoy the crap of everyone around us, okay? I believe it and I need you to believe it, because I can't live with doubts and I don't want you to either. Can you do that for me? Can you believe in us?"

"I… I want to."

"Good, then you better do, because I'm going to ask you a question now. I had it all planned out differently but then this shit happened and I don't want to take any chances again. I'm gonna ask you now, because I can't wait any more. Okay?"

"Ask me what?" Castiel blinked. This emotional whiplash was seriously getting to him. All he wanted now was to take Dean to bed, wrap around him and sleep for a week. Even sex and food was optional at this point - all he wanted is to have Dean close to him and sleep.

"Wait here." Dean said suddenly and dashed out of the room. Cas heard him going through drawers and banging something. When he finally came back smiling sheepishly, Castiel couldn't help but chuckle.

"As I said, I planned it differently." Dean pouted, but then took a deep breath, smiled and slid down to one knee opening his palm to reveal a simple white gold ring. "Castiel Novak, will you fucking marry me?"

Castiel stared at him frowning as if unsure of what he was seeing, but before Dean could panic, he suddenly broke out into a huge smile. He kneeled beside him and cupped his cheeks with both hands.

"Dean Winchester, you're going to be a death of me. And yes, I will fucking marry you!"


End file.
